Becoming
by Ameko
Summary: When a fatally wounded Rinoa transfers her powers to Quistis, Quistis is mentally distraught and doesn't know where to turn. Will she use her new gift (curse) for good or ill? And where does Seifer come into all this?
1. so it begins

Becoming

She walked down the autumn street, her booted feet crunching into fallen golden leaves. She was oblivious to the sounds they made and the noise of the people around her, oblivious to everything but the turmoil of her mind and the burden that was now hers to carry.

She shivered inside her warm winter coat, remembering things that no one should ever have to see in their lifetime, things that she saw all too often.

Golden wisps of hair fell into her eyes, absentmindedly she pushed them back. Her face was gaunt, her eyes sunken and hollow. She looked like a wraith, although with time she should be healing instead of deteriorating.

A sorceress cannot die without passing on her powers. Her best friend had been a sorceress, and she had died. 

Bitter images flashed before her eyes, flashes of pain and sorrow that she did not want to remember, things that she wished she'd never seen. A bloody battlefield, a raging lion, a beautiful angel.

The angel shot through the heart, falling to the ground, the lion rushing to her side, tripping over bodies as he went, falling at her side, holding her chilly hand.

"Rinoa...no...." She could remember his cry as if it were only seconds ago, when in reality it had been more than a year. 

The young woman had held his hand tightly, because she knew her fate. "Squall. You have to be strong." 

She'd knelt between the two young lovers, taking the younger girl's hand. "Rinoa...you'll be fine. We'll take you to the infirmary, you'll get better..." Her attempts at reassuring the girl were in vain, she knew, as a finger across her lips silenced her. 

"You know I'm dying." It wasn't a question. 

"I do." She barely could breathe the words, never imagined she'd be saying them. 

"You're like a big sister to me, even though I wasn't one of you...Thanks. You made me feel at home." She said simply, her last words destined to be ones of love, her caring heart shining through to the end. "Tell everyone I love them." 

Then she had turned to Squall. "Be strong, for me? I love you. I'll be waiting..." She said, repeating their promise with a slow, haggard breath.

Blood was soaking through her blue cloak, staining the angel wings forever red. I looked at her, wondering how she could still be holding on.

That was when I remembered. I knew why she was still here; it hit me as she took my hand. 

"Quistis." The voice didn't seem to be hers; it sounded older, wiser. "You know what you have to do." Again, it was not a query. 

"Rinoa...I can't."

"You must. That is why you are here. It is your destiny, your birthright." 

"It can't be."

"It is, Quistis. You must embrace it." She held my hand with a surprisingly tight grip, and her eyes pleaded with me. "I beg you, accept it."

There was nothing I could do. I had to do what she asked of me. 

"I'll do it." I said, quickly, before I could change my mind, accepting a destiny that had long since been decided for me. Seeing the pain in her face, I squeezed her hand gently. Hurry, I urged her. It's hurting you to hold on. 

She sighed, relieved, and nodded, her face relaxed. 

That was when her powers had passed into me. She had died. Rinoa, who had been so full of life, so animate, the angel no one believed could ever fall. 

Dead. Gone. Forever. 

And I was left with her powers, her legacy, her undoing. It was a terrible gift, but one I had to take. 

I still don't know exactly why I did it. Probably it was because of that longing in her face. She'd glimpsed the next world, and she wanted to go there. I couldn't deny her that, even if it was just an hour while I found a worthier receiver of the sorceress's gift. 

She's been gone a year, Squall died a month later. They found him in his room, fallen on his sword. It was reported to be an accident but the six of us left from the orphanage knew the truth. 

He'd gone to be with his angel. 

Maybe I took the powers because it tantalized me. I did have some magic, the hedgewitch's blue spells, but that was all, nothing to make me into a sorceress. It was intriguing, the power Rinoa had controlled, and I did want to taste some of it. 

The day I received the curse of a gift, I did swear to myself that I would control the rage within me at the death of Rinoa, and intertwined with hers, the death of Squall. I would avenge my friends, but I would not go mad with power on the way. The magic would never corrupt me, the lust for more power or eternal life would not blind my eyes. 

I would not become another Ultimecia. 

To prevent that, I would have to have a knight. Of course, getting a knight wasn't like getting a new weapon. You couldn't just walk into a store and say, I'm a sorceress, I need a knight, something in the thousand Gil price range, please.

Laughing in spite of herself, Quistis turned the corner, her darkening eyes glancing behind her, as if she was afraid of being followed. 

Maybe I was scared I was being followed. Why, I don't know. No one would want to follow me. I don't even think anyone knows I'm here.

She'd told the others, her close friends and sometime family that she was taking a break, to come to terms with the change in herself. As politely as possible, she'd made it clear she wanted to be left alone. The only one who hadn't been at the group meeting had been Seifer, who was hiding under a pretense, or maybe a reality of reformation. 

They'd told him, of course. Why wouldn't they have? 

He wouldn't follow her, probably didn't even know where she was, if he'd even cared, which he most likely didn't. 

Satisfied, a little, she tossed the amber scarf over her shoulder and faced forward once again, just missing the young emerald-eyed man who stepped out from behind a tree, the late afternoon sun glinting on his golden hair and his gaze intent on the young woman walking slowly down the street in a preoccupied haze. 

Author's Note: I normally don't like to write author's notes, because I think they kinda take away from the stories, but this is just to say the story does NOT stop here and there most definitely will be more and probably soon because I'm on holidays from school and I don't have anything else to do. I know where the story is going, but nothing's ever definite until it's published and sometimes not even then, so any ideas and comments and /constructive/ criticism is welcome. 


	2. visions of darkness

Becoming

The bar was dark and noisy, packed with characters of questionable nature. No one paid any more attention to the blonde girl seated at the bar than a cursory glance to ascertain that the seat was indeed taken. 

Her long hair fell loose down her back, and since she was young and very pretty, it was surprising no one bothered her, she realized in the back of her mind, but whatever was keeping would-be propositioners away from her, she was grateful. 

Had she known what was keeping them away from her, she probably wouldn't have been as thankful. 

Seifer sat at a table directly behind her, his knowledge of bars pointing out that this was the best place for him to sit and not be seen by her. He didn't want to avoid her but he knew if she saw him she would be angry, and irrational, and maybe she'd run away. 

Losing her again was not an option. He was under careful orders from Edea to monitor her.

"She has no knight, and no guidance. We do not want another Adel on our hands. This could be disastrous, Seifer. Watch out for her. I did not see this in the stars, and I do not know what may come of this. All of us, we must be prepared."

He'd hated her talking about Quistis like that. His Quisty wouldn't be another Adel. Beautiful, bossy Quisty...She could never be evil. 

Just what would happen if she let her powers have charge, Quistis wondered. Would it really be such a bad thing? Nothing very bad could happen, could it? She wouldn't kill people, or destroy things, or anything _wrong_. What could be so bad with letting her power have control.

__

You wouldn't have to remember, a tiny voice in her mind whispered. _No more pain. Everything would be normal again. _

She'd been having doubts for a while. There weren't a lot of things she could do, because she wasn't normal anymore. Everyone knew she was a sorceress, that when Rinoa Heartilly, one of the defeatists of Sorceress Ultimecia, had died she had passed on her powers to Quistis Trepe, SeeD and once-instructor at Balamb Garden. There was no safe haven for her anymore, because everyone was scared of her.

Remembering, she sighed bitterly.

"Selphie...I wish I could stay here. I don't want to leave." 

"I don't want you to leave," the younger girl had protested, but the look on her face disagreed with her words. That was the first time she'd seen it. Selphie, one of her best friends and longtime sister figure was frightened of her.

When she'd hugged Zell goodbye he had flinched away from her. Pretending she hadn't noticed, she moved away, hiding her tears. 

Things would never be the same again. She knew that and there wasn't anything she could do to change it.

__

You could make them pay, you know...They have no right to be scared of you, you always loved them. Let them taste your anger. Give them what they deserve...The sinuous voice in her head whispered to her trickily, trying to beguile her.

I'll never do that. They're my friends, my brothers and sisters. We grew up together. I could never hurt them, ever. 

Seifer watched her carefully, noticing her head shake a little. It seemed like she was trying to clear it, of troubling thoughts or pictures or maybe...voices? 

He could remember when he had been in the thrall of the sorceress. His mind had been literally tortured by visions, dreams, images and voices, promising him power, glory, wealth, if he murdered and destroyed people.

It came with the power, Matron had told him later. With everything there comes a price, and with the gift of the sorceress there is temptation. Even her knight, he is tempted. Sometimes, to overthrow her, or just to destroy. 

What are these voices? Who sends the pictures?

No one knows. Demons, maybe? Griever, perhaps. 

What is their purpose?

Torment is what they live for. They live off pain and fear. They show you your nightmares and your worst, scariest memories, and then they tell you things will be better, if you do what they want. Quistis will fall to them, if she does not have someone to protect her, to guide her, to love her. 

I will find her. 

Will you be her knight?

I'll do anything for her. I love her, Matron. 

She loves you, you know. I don't think she realizes it yet, but a time will come, very soon, when she will call out for you, and you must be there to answer her. I have seen it in the stars. 

I will be. 

Do you promise?

I promise.

Seifer would be there for her. He'd follow her everywhere, and when she fell, he would be by her side. 

He wouldn't make the mistake of falling for the wrong side again. Now, as far as he was concerned, there were no sides. There was only Quistis, and he would follow her to the end of time. 

*

Matron sat in the doorway to time, otherwise known as the orphanage. 

She was getting old, she knew. It was something she could feel in her bones, down to the very core of her body. Before long, she could not toy with magic like this. 

There was something she needed to find. The stars were not clear on this new course of destiny. Quistis becoming a sorceress had not been told of, but there were hints of a fall from grace, of hiding and fear and becoming ostracized. It read that before long, without a knight, she would become corrupt, pure evil.

It did not say whether it would be much different if she did have a knight. 

Edea sat, silent. The mark of the sorceress had stayed with her. Reading the stars was a talent she'd always had, one that she both appreciated and feared. It was frightening to know things that had not yet come to pass, at times. 

She waited for the vision, but was not fully prepared for it when it hit her.

Flashes of blood. Fallen bodies. A battleground.

The images assaulted her, and her head felt like it would explode. 

A woman with a cruelly beautiful face stepped carelessly over the bodies. Her golden eyes shone with an angry fire. 

Expensive cloth formed a beautiful gown that left nothing of the woman's body to the imagination. She was beautiful, in a terrible way. 

The woman, dripping corruption like water stepped forward, to the burial place of Griever. Reaching forward, an insane smile curved across her face, she touched the spire and the ball the Guardian Force had been trapped in rose to fit in her hand. 

A cruel laugh ripped from her throat, and words that Edea could not make out were spoken. Flashes of the bloody torn bodies of the fighters on the battlefield were visible once more, and a darkness fell over them. She could hear wingbeats and many clawed feet ripping, tearing...

Edea fell back on the stone, pressing her hands to her aching head. 

The vision, as she knew, was only one of many possibilities and she hoped that Seifer would find Quistis before it was too late. 

Griever had been imprisoned after the final fight with Ultimecia, having been deemed much too powerful to be given to SeeD for a junctionable GF. The terrors he had instigated were not quickly forgotten, and it would be long before anyone carrying the junctioned GF would be accepted. He had been locked away for his own protection, but it was entirely possible that Quistis would release him.

That could not happen.

__

Oh, it can and it will. We can't have you carrying tales. 

"You! Get out of my head!" Edea commanded, but it was in vain. She lost power over her own body and slipped into unconsciousness. 


	3. world crashing down

Becoming Three: World Crashing Down 

_Blood. Broken glass. Black-and-white images. They pushed to the front of his mind, frightening him. The latter was the most frightening of all. It seemed to say to him that all the brightness had gone out of his life. Not that there was much to begin with. There had been, a long time ago. Almost so long ago he couldn't remember anymore. This was before he'd gone to Garden. _

_            He could see her in his mind's eye, the bossy girl he used to know. She tried to mother them all into submission, after Ellone left, probably trying to pull Squall up again, but it hadn't worked. She had probably helped to drive him further away, but she hadn't really meant to. All she wanted was for him to be his old self again. _

_            One of the memories of the old her that stood out the most was that day on the beach. It was the day he'd realized there was something about this Quistis girl that he couldn't ignore. They'd been playing tag, or some such game. Squall stood on the sidelines, as usual, refusing invitations to join in. Seifer tried to coax him into it but he just glared and crossed his arms. _

_            Since Seifer was occupied with Squall, he hadn't noticed Quistis dart up and poke him in the side. ' You're it!' She said, laughing and ran off. He chased her, of course, but he found himself concentrating more on the way her shimmering golden hair streamed out into the wind instead of catching her and winning the game. Seifer could still recall the way the warm sand felt under his toes and what Quistis was wearing that day, a light pink summer sundress that flowed around her thin body. At eleven, she was just beginning to turn into something other than a little girl and he was just beginning to notice._

_            After a few minutes, when he was getting winded, she disappeared from sight. He ran ahead and all of a sudden, tripped over his own feet and fell down a slope he hadn't know about. He heard her before he saw her, and looked around. She was sitting by a large rock, hugging her bare foot to herself in what looked like an uncomfortable position. From where he stood he could see the red trickling onto the sand. Running over to her, he knelt down and gently touched her foot. _

_            "What happened, Quisty? Did you step on something?"_

_"I think so." Her voice was thin and high. "Seif. . it hurts. . ." She whimpered. _

_            "I know. Let me see." After examining her foot carefully, he decided that whatever had cut her foot wasn't still in it. "How are we going to get home?" He asked the sea. A sobbing Quistis was little help. _

_            "Squall!" Seifer shouted, but after a few minutes he decided he would have to do this on his own. Careful not to move her foot too much, he picked her up. She settled herself in his arms and wrapped her own little hands around his neck. Trying to ignore his pounding heart and the strange sensations his body was feeling, he carried her home._

_            That night, after dinner, Seifer found himself outside looking up at the sky. _

_            "Did you know that a star can die and it will take thousands of years before we see its light go out?" She was back to normal, trying to impress everyone with things they didn't care about at all. _

_            "Strange." He commented. It was silent for a few moments, and then her soft footsteps neared him. Sitting down next to him, she leaned her head on his shoulder. _

_            His first instinct was to pull away. Then, however, he thought about it and realized he didn't mind at all. Something about her captivated him. _

_            The dreaming-picture changed, and he could see her in her SeeD uniform. She stood nervously, hesitantly. Her blue eyes took in everything around her, eager, hungry to learn more. He always knew she would  wind up as an instructor someday, he'd just never pictured her as his instructor. _

_            Things had changed then. She'd given him almost unfair advantages until she realized she couldn't let her feelings get in the way of her work. The freakishly close relationship they had shared before melted away, leaving him alone. Squall and he had become rivals, almost enemies by then, and he had no one to talk to. That was about the time he had fallen in with Fujin and Raijin, a very strange pair. They made an odd trio. _

Sweating, Seifer tossed and turned in his bed. Sleep was nearly impossible tonight. Eventually he gave up and, after making sure he had pants on, stepped outside into the hallway. He hated sleeping in inns. They were too noisy at night and much too hot. 

            This one was pretty dead, though. It was late night and everyone seemed to be asleep. He wondered if he should go check on Quistis. Her room was near his, just down the hall. That was what he was here for. 

            After returning to the orphanage and finding Matron unconscious on the floor, he had called Cid immediately. She opened her eyes only once before her husband came, and whispered something he didn't understand. Moving closer, Seifer listened again. 

            "Find. . Quistis. . .You must. . save. . " Then she slumped back into her stupor. He'd left as soon as Cid ran in the door, demanding to know where Edea was and what had happened.

            Now, here he was, trying to approach her, with no success so far. 

           When he reached her room, he saw that the door was open. She was lying on her bed, sobbing, a deep, heart-wrenching sound. As he listened, he could just barely make out a soft, pleading cry.

            "Seif. . how come you're never here anymore. . I need you. . " She had called for him. Now was the time when he must go to her and make things right. He strode inside and over to the bed, pushing the door shut behind him. Off in her own world, she didn't even notice him. He gently touched her hair and she looked up. 

            "Seifer?" She asked in wonder. "How are you here? I called you but you never came before." Her voice was small and fading.

            "Well, I'm here now, aren't I? And I'm going to stay. You'll never have to call for me again. No matter what happens, Quisty, I'm your knight." He leaned down and kissed her gently, only intending it to be a brotherly kiss. However, she turned it into more, catching him before he pulled away and holding him to her. Her small mouth worked busily as she kissed him thoroughly. Although he wanted to take the kiss further badly, he knew he couldn't, not with her in this state. Pulling away gently, he gazed into her teary blue eyes, saw the tearstains on her face, and sighed. How had she come to this? This power Rinoa had given her was eating her up inside, and slowly, but surely, it was killing her and would continue to do so until it was gotten under control. 

            Not knowing what else to do, he kissed her again, intensely. "Don't worry. . " He murmured. "You're safe now." 

            It was about that time her strength gave out, and she collapsed, asleep, into his arms. 

            He held her gently, stroking her hair. Seifer had no idea of what to do, how to help her. Following Edea's orders, he had found her, and he would protect her, but how? What would he need to protect her from, anyway. 

            Probably herself most of all. It was a chilling thought. Shivering, he put her down on the bed, straightening her out and covering her. He moved to get up, but she caught his arm. 

            "Stay. . please." She whispered. 

            "I'm not going anywhere." He said softly, and stretched out next to her. Quistis immediately latched onto him, putting her arms around him and holding him close. Just like so many years before, he found he didn't mind the comfortable feeling that was her body next to his. Rather, he enjoyed the feeling. Moving to hold her as well, he found that he never wanted to be away from her again.

            _You're going soft, Seifer. _

They were the fated children. He was only now beginning to realize the full implications of that phrase. 


End file.
